Leaning on Him - Part 2

FINALLY!  Here it comes.... It's actually interesting how once I wrote Part 1 all these various events started happening in my life, and it all in some way answered, added to, or deepened my understanding of leaning on Jesus.  Of course it's never a coincidence.  :)

Let's start in 1 Kings 19, verse 9..... oh man, I love this story!
Quick Background and Disclaimer:  Elijah is running for his life from Jezebel because he killed all her false prophets.  He feels totally alone and frustrated that he has been so zealous for the Lord, but his life always seems to be chaotic and no one is responding to his words from the Lord.  They continue to do evil, so he feels like he is ineffective.  Also, please remember these are notes from my own personal life, study, prayer time etc.  Please check all this out for yourself.

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have 

 rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. 

I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD 

is about to pass by.”  Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the 

rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an 

earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but 

the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, 

he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  Then a 

voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have 

rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. 

I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. 

When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram.  Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king 

over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet.  

Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any 

who escape the sword of Jehu.  Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees 

have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”

Often when we are trying to make decisions in life, we want a big sign - we want to open our Bible to the exact right verse, or someone to prophesy over us, or God to audibly tell us what to do.  We want a message in the sky.  But more often than not God speaks in a whisper.  A still small voice.  The voice in your spirit that says "talk to that person" or "you know you shouldn't have said that" or "trust me, I'm working it out".

Sometimes what He tells you do to seems crazy.  I think most people who know my husband and I think we are crazy.  Or at least people that don't know us very well.  One of my concerns in listening to the Lord lately in my life has been that we look very wishy-washy to the outside world (we have had people tell us this).

Move here, move out.
      Do this, then stop and do that.
            Go to school, stop going to school. 

I'm sure we seem very uncommitted, very confused, very lost.  But the reality is we are not at all!  It's not easy, but God never promised life would be easy.  Sometimes I pout about this. :]  But he HAS said this...

Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the 

water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with 

your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to 

the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice 

behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” 

isaiah 30: 20-21

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight. 

proverbs 3: 5-6

If we will seek Him and listen, He will help us know where to go and what to do.  Then, after that, we must obey.  Leaning on Him includes seeking, trusting, listening, and obeying.  If I seek Him and say "Lord, tell me what I should do" and then I don't do it, I'm not really leaning on Him.

I think Proverbs 3, and other areas in Scripture, suggest that we not only should trust Him in all things, but that we can (and dare I say, should) ask Him about all things.  Yes, we have freedom in Christ - he's given us free will to make choices and decisions, but the Old Testament is filled with examples were people make decisions without consulting the Lord, and there were consequences.  

One way I practice leaning on Him is by trying to pray about all my decisions.  This change in my perspective was something I put into practice in college, lost sight of a little after college, but have recently began adding into my daily life again.  I have noticed a difference.  I'm definitely not perfect, and there have been times I've done or said things without consulting God.  Some have ended up ok.... some not so.  But the more things I ask God about, the more I reap these benefits:  

1) I'm having conversations with God more and more regularly  

2) I'm hearing His responses more regularly (and sometimes he says "In any way you choose, it will be blessed.  You decide"  THAT is where I think the true meaning of freedom in Christ comes in)  

3) I can walk more confidently in the choices made because I know He told me so.

Whether you turn to the right or the left [in any decisions to be made]... you will hear a voice saying "This is the way, walk in it" [will I tune my ear to Him?  Will I obey?]

This Week

This week has been very extraordinary in many ways.  It is the main reason I have not yet finished Part 2 of "Leaning on Him".  In fact, this week Brandon and I have gone through so much spiritually, emotionally and physical, there might be a Part 3...4....5...

We have had a 3 day event at church where we were fasting and praying, and at night we got together to spend some time worshipping and praying.  The Lord revealed some MAJOR stuff, and it all has to do with leaning on Him and hearing His voice - some of it was hard to swallow, but as always, the Lord met us with grace, freedom and revelation!  He is so good.  I'll share more on this in my next post.

Right in the middle of this I slept wrong or something and over the last few days the whole left side of my next and back were knotted and almost immobile.  By Tuesday night I was miserable.  I couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep, every position I laid or sat in hurt and no remedy was removing the pain.  So I went to the doctor to get it checked out and there wasn't much to do but rest it, ice it and wait it out.  She kept asking "Did you lift something heavy?  Did you fall?  Did you get in an accident?"  My back looked that bad?!  None of the above are true.  Brandon and a dear friend prayed over me last night and I felt IMMEDIATE relief!  Praise God!  I still feel super tender in the muscles but I am able to move them slow and roll my head, lift my arm etc.  Thank you Jesus!

So, all that being said, more coming next week.

  :)  Hope you're having a lovely Thursday!

Leaning on Him - Part 1

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean 

not on your own understanding; in all your ways 

submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

proverbs 3:5-6

There is no other way we can successfully live without leaning on Jesus Christ.  It doesn't matter how much money you have, how smart you are, how inviting your personality, how capable you are.... we are all incapable of living the lives we are meant to live without Him.  Psalm 23 (NIV) says that the Lord "guides me along the right paths, for His name's sake".  He knows the right paths, not us.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are 

your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “ For as the 

heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways 

higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

isaiah 55: 8-9

I don't think leaning on the Lord comes easily... most of the time.  Often times the things that we must put in His hands are the things of our lives that cause stress, frustration, anger, anxiety... all these things God has asked us to lay aside.  All these negative emotions the world deems normal that God says we don't even need to feel if we truly rely on him.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts 

out fear, because fear involves torment. But he 

who fears has not been made perfect in love.

1 john 4:18

Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, 

what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about 

your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than 

food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds 

of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather 

into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. 

Are you not of more value than they?

matthew 6:25-26

I have lots of concerns in my life right now.  Lots of paths/directions I can't discern on my own.  I MUST lean on Him.

The worst thing about decisions is the fact that it is normally difficult to determine what is best, right?  That is what always makes it a challenge and a risk.  If one way was totally clear as the right path, there's hardly a real decision to make - you just go that way!  Normally deciding on a path means you have 2 or more ways, all with their own benefits and risks, and they are all somewhat viable options.

Some crossroads I'm at right now are...

Do we sell?

Do we rent?  

Do we move?

Do we find a new day for Dance Ministry?  

                                                 Do we take a break?

If we take a break, will it ever begin again?

                                                                  Do we start trying for a baby next spring?  Is it too soon?

How much do you sacrifice for a project you believe in?

How far do you go for something if you aren't sure how it will work out?

How do you know when to say "enough is enough?"

Some of these questions must stay a little vague because they are more personal, so they may seem like they have easy answers, but I assure you they do not.

So many of my personal questions are tangled up in living situation issue and financial concerns (I'm sure with where things are in our world most people have questions tied up in these areas too).  About a year ago, I would have worked myself into a mental tizzy thinking about all these questions, allowing them to flood my mind and make me so concerned to make the wrong choice I'd do almost nothing at all.  And if I made a choice, I second guess it the entire step of the way.

By God's grace, I have moved away from this place more and more, and have entered a place where those thoughts aren't captivating my entire mind anymore.  I am NOWHERE near perfect, I have not mastered this at all.  But I was pondering it today and remembering the lessons I feel like I have learned, and hope that it might be of some encouragement to someone out there.  :)  Maybe we can find some clarity together.

I'll be posting Part 2 of this over the next few days so share what I feel like the Lord has shown me as he's brought me out of captivity in this area. 

You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word.

psalm 119:114

Lovin' Labor Day

Hello there!  If you're reading this, I hope you had a great Labor Day weekend!  I had one of those weekends where it makes me never want to do anything else but re-live those 3 days over and over again.  I'm gonna be honest here... I'm posting photos to keep it interesting, but most of them are not from this weekend.  I'm horrible at remembering to take pictures.

Friday night kicked the weekend off right because Brandon and I hung out with our friend Rachael and her brother Jordan.  We laughed and talked till about 1:30!  It's been a while since I stayed up that late. We ate entirely too much ice cream, made our dog dizzy (some day I'll post video of her trick) and talked about a lot of movies.  It's been so long since we hung out - it was nice to catch up a little and relax together.

Me and Rachael from last year - lol

Saturday morning I taught class and did my first hip hop class for adults in about 6 years!  I was extremely nervous, but it went REALLY well!  I'm excited to do it again this weekend!  Then I took a nap and we headed down south to see our friends Jessica and Joel and their new little guy Ethan.  

I'm always excited to hang out with them because we always have wonderful conversations.  But I'm about to have a reflective moment here: 

I felt like we left and I didn't really have a great idea of what was going on with them.  I think because the things going on with Brandon and I are often l-o-n-g stories, we tend to dominate conversations.  Not intentionally.  Not because we just want to talk about ourselves.  But usually because to understand what's going on a lot of background must be explained.  But this is something I want to be more aware of in our time with other people.... how much are we asking about them?  How much listening are we doing verses talking? So Yess, if you're reading this, I'm sorry.  Can we hang out again so I can catch up on you??

Sunday Brandon was on worship at church.  I really enjoy watching him up there because he really worships the Lord - he doesn't perform and he doesn't make it about him.  But he enjoys being up there.  It's definitely been an area that's required a lot of stepping out for him - an area where he feels kind of self conscious.  But I'm glad he's not only facing it/dealing with it, but gaining confidence and enjoying it too!  After that we took Abby to get the last of her puppy shots!!!  This meant she could finally go outside!!!  In celebration we took her to Lazy Dog Cafe and sat outside so she could eat with us on the patio.  She was knocked out under the table almost the whole time.  So it was a good first visit.  Then I started to feel icky, and so we took it easy the rest of the day.  

OK now we're to the juicy stuff!  Monday was the best day of all!  It started off with our first hike with Abby!  We do a 5.5 mile hike in Santiago Oaks Park called "Goat Mountain", and she was a trooper!  It was so fun!  Most of the time Abby was ahead urging us along, and only started to complain at the last mile or so.  At one point we took her leash off and she trotted right along next to us.  She was so worn out after and fell asleep in Brandon's arms on the way home.  :)

After that, it was bath time for Abby.  She had trekked through water, then dirt, then more water, then dirt again.  She was one muddy girl.

We all took a nice long nap, and then Brandon and I got gussied up and went on a date!  I got to wear this beauty for the first time, but mine is cream colored (thanks Phil and Sarah!!!). 

We out to Wood Ranch and had some awesome BBQ (looking back I was pretty brave to wear cream to a BBQ place... I'm much too clumsy to be taking risks like that!!).  Then we ran into another friend we haven't seen in forever and got to talk to her a little bit too!

After dinner we walked around and spent some time talking in front of this beautiful fountain.  We talked about everything going on and that the last few months especially, though some of the hardest, have been some of the best months of our marriage so far.  I feel like we're finally kinda growing into what we want our marriage to be - how we want to respond to each other, etc.  We're starting to find our niche I guess.  It's nice.  :)   We also reminisced about the "good ol' days" when we were just starting to like each other and dating.  We talked about what we didn't know about each other until we after we got married, or how things were different.  It was fun to relive memories and share what we remembered about those moments.  Then we headed off to the $2 theater!

I'm SO thankful for times of rest and relaxation, they are such a blessing.  I hope your Labor Day weekend was just as wonderful!
So sad to say we have no pictures of the evening, but I remember it in my head.  :)

Random Thoughts for Friday

I see a lot of blogs that participate in Insta Friday, but I am not there yet.  I'm not a big photographer.  I want to be, but I'm jut not.  Even for big events the thought "Grab your camera/phone!" never even crosses my mind.

So I leave you with some random thoughts of this week in no particular order:

Tomorrow I begin teaching a teen/adult hip hop class.  I am BEYOND nervous.  I have 8 years of hip hop under my belt, but after a 3-4 year hiatus due to funds and a few years of only teaching kids, I feel rusty in the grown up department.  What do I do?  What are the cool new moves?  What kinds of (Christian) hip hop songs are cool right now? I am fully relying on the Lord to help me make this class all it can be, and part of that will be getting my booty back into hip hop classes myself regularly..... not so easy with my schedule!.  Prayers are greatly appreciated!

Marriage is hard work!  I know this may sound like a 180 from my last post, but it's not.  Marriage is by far the most rewarding area of my life, but also the most challenging (insert inspirational quote here about how the most worthwhile things are often the hardest lol).  I went into marriage thinking I was going to be GREAT at it.  I mean, what could be so hard anyway?  I know we'll fight, I know tough stuff will happen, but I'm a good lover of people.  I can do this!  Come to find out this isn't entirely true (yeah you can laugh at me).  As much as Brandon and I both tried to rid ourselves of expectations, once we actually got married I began to uncover a bunch of "stowaway" expectations in my brain!  I suppose I'm not the only one and I suppose expectations never entirely go away.  But I wish they could.  :)
I'd love to say that since my last post below I have been awesome at appreciating my husband.  The truth is, I get a C-. Or perhaps I should ask him for my grade.  Please don't get me wrong, this is not my husband talking, this is MY assessment of how I am doing.  I believe I deserve a C-.  I give myself this grade because I love him in the easy ways only.  But then I allow my own busy-ness and the concerns of my day to take up my brain space, and then I have no more room left in my noggin to think things like,
"What can I do today to affirm him?"
"What about him can I compliment today?"
"What does it sound like his day has been so far?  How can I make it better?"
"What is something he'd really enjoy doing this week/month?  How can I make it happen?"
I do not put enough brain energy into my marriage.  If there is someone that only wants to be snuggled with and have someone laugh at their jokes, I'm your gal.  But my man is SO much deeper than that.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Abby girl.  In case you don't know me super well and think I'm talking about my daughter, I'm not.  I'm talking about my dog!  I love her to BITS!  Aside from the crazed/excited biting episodes and the fact that she occasionally chooses to ignore my commands, I love my little 20 pound (and GROWING) furball. This week she actually put herself to bed.  That's right people, 2 nights now she has shown us she'd like to go upstairs, so we move the gate, and she goes up in her crate and goes to bed.  It's a regular Christmas miracle!  And she's totally over her puppy stage of waking up in the middle of the night to go potty, which is awesome.  It's like having a baby only they grow through the milestones a lot quicker.

I'm excited for the 3-day weekend.  I plan on hanging out with friends, hiking, resting, and more.  I hope you have a wonderful time too!